I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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