She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
