my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
