Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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