Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
