I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
