I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
