we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
