I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
