I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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