What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
