All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
