Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
