I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
