i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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