I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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