I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
