your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
