I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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