There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
