We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
