i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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