Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
