grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
