and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
