There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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