The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
