Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
