The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
