hell yes lets make some ravioli
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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