So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm too high and old for this...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
