First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
