my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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