Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
