a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
