using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dick very happy bro
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
