Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
