I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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