Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
