onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i've created a new STD.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
