News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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