I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
