Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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