It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I checked into jail on foursquare
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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