There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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