Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
