I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
