I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
