My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
