And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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