Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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