Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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