Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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