I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
