How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
