you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
