She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just cut my nipple shaving
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
