That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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