do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
