i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
