I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
